Marriage Problems
Though you might not like the sound of this, marriage and problems go together. Living and problems go together, so it shouldn’t surprise you that marriage is not exempt from struggle. A simple adage to remember is: Big God, Small Problems. Big Problems, Small God. Which end of the telescope are you looking through? Certainly this is an oversimplification, but the basic principle is a good one to remember. The bigger your understanding of God is, the smaller your problems will seem. The more you focus on your problems, the harder it is to see God and he seems small or weak.
This principle can be applied to so many things. But I’m talking about marriage today. So how does it apply to holy matrimony? I have been married almost 50 years. I have experienced much wedded bliss, but also everything else short of calling it quits. I learned along the way that two questions are universally important along the way to problem-solving.
“Where/How do I see God in my situation?”
Looking for God turns my attention away from my problems and all the worries/anxieties that accompany them. I embrace the reality that what I am going through is ordained by God. It is mine because of the perfect plan that my perfect Father decreed for my life with the perfect intention of molding me into the image of Christ. It may be confusing, scary, painful, anxiety-producing, and gut-wrenching, but in my Father’s eyes it is necessary. It is not punishment. “There is therefore no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus” (Rom 8:1). By looking at it this way, I see a big God.
“What is God trying to teach me about himself? About me?
Your marriage problem is more than a marriage problem. At some level it is a heart problem. In you. And God wants you to learn two things—one about him and one about you. Focusing here gets you out of the blame game. It saves you from what Sue Johnson calls the “Demon Dialogues.” It makes you face the reality that you cannot fix your spouse; you can only fix you. Only the Holy Spirit can fix your spouse, which means you must be faithful to pray for him/her, thereby aiding in the release of the Spirit’s power to evoke the changes only he can bring.
You will find that when you proceed down this path, you will avoid the enemy’s traps. He is lying to you when he tells you that things would be better if… Trust me. The enemy’s plan for you is not anywhere near the perfect plan of a perfect Father.
When you have answered these questions, you are in a position to think correctly about whatever marriage problem you are facing. You have established a secure place to attack the problem and not each other. You can more easily join forces with your spouse to form a team that, with the Holy Spirit’s aid, is poised to take down the forces of the enemy that are trying to tear your marriage apart. Your spouse is NEVER your enemy. Your spouse is never THE problem. Your spouse is God’s gift that he brought to you in order to reach the level of sanctification he ordained for you to reach. You wouldn’t get there without him/her. To look at him/her as your enemy is to turn your back on God. And believe me… you need God on your side.
